Pride or Predjudice 2013

Minneapolis had a lot to celebrate during Pride this year.  The legalization of gay marriage in Minnesota was the cause for much merriment, music and making out at the annual Ashley Rules LGBT Pride Parade. There were queens in veils, a recently wed lesbian couple, one a cop and one a fire fighter and even a lezzy marriage proposal, right on top of  First Avenue's float, one butch and one femme. You better work.  I mean really, you better have a job, Pride is expensive.  You always spend more than you say you will.  Always. You are also guaranteed to "spend time" inside a port-a-potty, have a discussion on how much rainbow is too much rainbow and you will always run into the ex you didn't want to run into. But hey, what would Pride be with out a few assholes?

This was my fifth pride. In five years, the state of Minnesota and Sarah McPeck had come a long way.  Five years ago, I went to my first Pride.  Five years ago, I was dating someone who didn't want to "define our relationship with titles."  Five years ago I asked, "Does this outfit look gay enough?" Yes, I was that girl.

I was also the girl who matched everything.  My hair was long and highlighted and I had a French manicure every Monday.  I dreamed of having a real girlfriend and by real I meant with an actual lesbian, strike that, an actual available lesbian.  You see,  I only seemed attracted the people that would desperately break my heart and bankrupt me all in the same day.  But hey, that was just the first year.  It got better.  It really did.  It always does. 

Year two was all about change.  I was transitioning in such a huge way to the world, to myself, to my family that it made me question nearly everything else in my life.  I looked around and thought, change is possible.  It doesn't just happen on Intervention or Hoarders, it can really happen! I can put down the pipe and give away my spoon collection!  Yes! What glory!  I learned to have some back bone.  I learned to make choices that lead me closer to the vision that I dreamed my life to be.  I learned to find myself.  

Okay, okay, please stop puking.  I know, I'm sorry, I've taken a turn into self help glory, that can rarely be taken seriously, but it's the truth gays!  I mean, guys! For the first time, I learned what I liked.  I learned what I didn't like and I learned to have relationships with men that weren't clouded with sex, sexual tension or sexual manipulation.  What a concept.  Right?  I mean, what else is there, when there are no blow jobs to be given?

I'll tell you what there is, ladylove.   No matter who you are, what shape you are, what baseball team you like, there is a lez out there for every lady. Welcome to year three, the lady lottery, a lot, of sweet looking ladies, with good smelling hair and soft silky skin.  For a while I couldn't think about anything that didn't have a vagina attached.  And it's not even about sex.   I mean sex is great or it isn't, there just isn't any in between.  Like eggrolls. Seriously, this was the year of the sweet Vagine (pronounced va-sheen, try it, it's fun to say).

Then in year three, the glitter wore off.  The newness forgotten, the everyday in it's place and suddenly being gay was just who I was.  I no longer felt the need to try to be gay, I just was.  Obviously, the next step was world domination, you know in all my spare time, it was either that or take up scrapbooking and since I still wanted to get laid, I gave away my stickers.  In a flash of rashness and self determination, later to be questioned when either broke or drunk, I quit my day/night job as a blackjack dealer/pit supervisor, that I'd had for over a decade, looked at my kid's and said, "Don't worry, I've got a plan.  I'm going to be a comedian." Fake it till you make it, right?

Now hear I am, five years later, a bona fide LGBT comedian, a graduate from a comedy theater and nothing but hope for the future.  It's crazy!  Every month this year, I have received money from performing comedy! What?!   Well one month it was just a burrito, but I figure it counts.  It has to, it was from Chipotle and that's like a classy place, I mean they have lemons and limes for your water, I mean, hola?
 (That's me on the right.  The shy one.)

So now, here we are, on the precipice of peace, it would seem.  I am so proud of my home state for allowing its people to have equal civil liberties.  I am proud that this legislature validates my lifestyle as a legitimate and "normal" way of life.  I am proud that even in the face of prejudice I've held strong to my convictions, because in the end, your beliefs are all you have.  Unless you have a bad credit rating, it's quite possible, you will have that longer.  Assholes.

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